Post 4 - My Walks are my Elixir

One of my first goals when I started therapy again in 2021 was to be able to go outside for a walk. I, like so many, became terrified of contact with others during the early part of the Pandemic and stepping outside for my usual walks became a huge challenge for me. I told my therapist I would stand at my front window and stare outside, but I was not able to take the steps to drive to the marina for a walk. I could not go up the street to the beautiful lake that I previously enjoyed exploring either. I felt paralyzed and could not do the one thing that had always given me relief during stressful times.

I learned early in my life, without even understanding the magnitude at the time, that walking was a great release for me. I always felt happier after a walk and less burdened by the worries of the world. Whether it was one mile, two, three or more…the high I felt, carried me through the rest of the day or into the week. The weekends have always been my favorite time to walk or sometimes at lunch, during the work week. However, my weekend walks had become like a religion to me. Walking in nature always felt like going to church to have my spirit uplifted. I felt a connection to something far greater than myself and I felt peace.

So, to lose this during such an unprecedented time was devastating for me. I had to build up my nerve and tolerance again. My therapist had me start by just sitting outside in my backyard, and then walking around the block, until finally I got in my car one day and drove to the marina for a short walk. My short walks grew over time and now I’m happy to say that I can go on walks that are 5 to 6 miles. I started listening to podcasts during my walks and have learned a great deal over the past few years especially about the importance of movement when you have anxiety.

I recommend walking to anyone who is struggling with anxiety. It is an easy way to drop into your body and begin to release what is holding onto you. Whether it is standing up and walking in place, walking on a treadmill, walking around your block, or going to a scenic location to experience nature, walking can provide the medicine needed to soothe your soul. I started a picture journal at the end of 2021 to help me connect with the beauty I was walking past every day. Here are a few entries from that journal and my path to healing.

10.10.21 I walk past beauty every day and never stop. Today I stopped, took a deep breath, and took a picture.  It was a big moment for me and a good day.  It felt like the beginning of something new. I fully embraced the moment because I so desperately needed to see through a different lens. 

11.14.21 My Saturday and Sunday morning walks on the marina are my everything. I promise to take the time to stop, listen, see, experience, and notice the road ahead and all the beauty that surrounds me every day. This glorious moment deserves to be celebrated, and I am so grateful to be a witness to its splendor. Thank you, God, for the gift of this day and for a moment that I will hold onto always.

11.20.21 I continue to remind myself of the beauty in the simple things in life. There is so much we do not have control over in this world. I am making a conscious effort to slow down and appreciate life. Thank you for this amazing ocean that is before me. There is something so soothing about looking out at the vast blue sea. It appears to go on forever and makes even the biggest problems seem small in comparison. It is one of my favorite places to go when the load that I carry feels too heavy. I take my worries to the sea and leave them there. The waves are stronger than me, and they carry my burdens in a way I cannot. The waves ebb and flow through centuries taking my worries to deep unknown depths. And what I know for sure is that this too shall pass.   

3.27.22 The path ahead may be unknown but if we keep God in our hearts, we can do all things. I love walking on this path at the lake near my home, because it always reminds me of how amazing nature is in all its glory.  These are the times when my heart and head are one and I feel the deepest connection to something so much bigger than myself.  I always feel grateful to experience something so breathtakingly beautiful.

Wishing you love, light, and a life filled with authenticit-E.

Estella